Monday, November 19, 2012

'Twasn't Meant to Be

Yes, I'm still in Hawaii...we got here Friday evening and will be here until the 24th.  Plenty of time to soak up the warmth and relax.  I have to admit though, vacationing with a toddler is not restful.  At least not in a more sleep sort of way.  It is restful in that you don't have to think about normal house chores, normal life problems, and that there are lots of new, exciting things to do to entertain said toddler.  My whole family is here, which means lots of people for Scout to talk to (so that we don't have to constantly converse with that jabberbox!).

Now for that update.   We found out at the end of September that I was pregnant.  We were pretty thrilled!  My due date was near the end of the school year, meaning that new baby and Scout would be almost two years apart and that I could get another summer off for maternity leave.  It was our ideal situation and we were kind of in disbelief that it actually worked out that way!  In mid-October (19th) we had a dating ultrasound to find out the exact due.  I was thinking I was about 8 weeks along, but wasn't really sure.  At the ultrasound, the technician couldn't find a fetus, but wasn't overly concerned as the gestational sac was only measuring 5 weeks 3 days.  After talking to our midwives, we decided that the dates were off enough that we wanted to do another ultrasound and get confirmation of a due date.  It didn't matter so much now, but it can make the window of time that you can get midwifery care hard to identify if you don't have a solid due date  We waited another two weeks (November 2nd) so that we should be able to see a heartbeat and a measurable fetus.   At the second ultrasound, we didn't find either of those things, just a still empty gestational sac measuring about 5 weeks 5 days, not near enough growth for waiting two weeks.  Although I hadn't yet had any bleeding or cramping, that was confirmation enough that the pregnancy wasn't viable.  (Luckily?) over the weekend, my body started the process on it's own.

It's been a long two weeks since then, with a messy, drawn out miscarriage.  I won't disgust you with all of the details, but I was unpleasantly surprised with how physically rotten a miscarriage could be.  We are doing pretty well emotionally, bummed that this pregnancy didn't work, that we wouldn't have our ideal timing, and annoyed that I had to have 5 weeks of lovely morning sickness only to be followed by 2 plus weeks of cramping and bleeding.  Basically, just annoyed at the whole process and feeling like it sucks all the way around.  Maybe someday I will be able to find a positive, but I'm not seeing it right now.  Physically, I'm starting to feel closer to my normal self and am ready to enjoy the next week of sunshine, warmth, and free-time with my family!


heather jane said...

Uhh. I am so sorry to hear that you had to go thoroughly of that. How discouraging and painful. Here's hoping this week of rest will help you move forward and feel better.
Lots of love

The Harkers said...

I'm sorry, Lauriel! Thinking of you!

Meg said...

I'm so sorry Lauriel, I had no idea. I also had a miscarriage, back in March, so I totally empathize with you. It really is rotten. Sorry you had to go through that.

Brandon & Jamie said...

I was just thinking about you. I'm so sorry to hear such sad news. My heart goes out to you and I hope you guys are doing well.