Friday, July 31, 2015

For Me

Written on July 29, 2015 while camping at Lake Diablo.

It's noon.  And I am sitting, staring at this gorgeous view.  Alone.  Drinking a cider.  And in the quiet. My youngest is sleeping, while Andrew and Scout are playing with our friends down the beach a ways, so I feel like I have an excuse for this guilty pleasure.
Lake Diablo-July 29, 2015
And then I'm annoyed that I feel like I need an excuse to do something just for me, and I wonder where that guilt comes from.  It's certainly not from Andrew, who encourages me to take time for myself regularly.  And is learning to be better at ensuring he takes care of his needs, knowing that he is a better person when he takes time for himself.  Why does this feel hard for me?  To put myself first, for just a brief space and time, on a regular basis.  Without first ensuring that the house is clean and the dishes done and that everyone else's needs are met.  And what do I do I want do in that time?  Do I know what feels most rejuvenating to me anymore?  I've been playing around with hiking, or yoga, or writing, maybe a wood working or gardening class?  I don't know what it is, but I feel like I'm ready, to find a thing that is just for me.  

1 comment:

bryhaws@aol.com said...

good question. Feeling guilty works for some things but it can also fester in a person and make their life miserable. It's important to have fun in the present and not always be thinking or feeling guilty or worried about the past or the future. Enjoy you time.